Whenever I needed to express my feelings, I used to do it through punishing myself. I never knew how to talk, never, until now, that I'm forced to do it. I came to the realization that everything evolves around something, and my life is not a difference. I began to wonder a long time ago, if my life made sence to others. I never got an answer. I don't blame or ask God, why this is happening to me. Because I know that I made people suffered by my actions. I made people cried. I made people believed that I was a really bad person. (I'AM) I'm now being punished by my actions from the past. But...... how much do I have to pay? How much do I have to suffer? uhmmm, hard to tell how God weights bad actions. I wish I knew. I wish I could be released from all this suffering. I wish God would forgive me. I wish I could break this bad luck and move forward. I wish so many things in my life..... I always have.... I always will.